he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize