I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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