I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
