He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
