Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
