Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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