i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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