I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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