we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
