I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
worst night to have a conscience
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
