At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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