I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize