ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
