Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The air taste purple.
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