I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
