So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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