Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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