Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
