if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize