You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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