blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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