he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
