I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
