I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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