Nicole vs. Life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
