Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
