I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i've created a new STD.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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