Pants 0. Shit 1.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
