I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
