Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
