You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
