And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
