no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
