What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
