He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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