And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
