Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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