I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
