shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
