I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
