I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
