I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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