Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
