I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
