I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
