we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize