Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
