if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize