I hope mine doesn't look like that
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
