Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
