This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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