OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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