i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
