I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
