when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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