Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
