Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
