When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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