I think my fart just growled at me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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