i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
