She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize