May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
