I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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