Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
