but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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