Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
