You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
