so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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