i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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