i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
