Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
