i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
