don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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