chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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