Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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