I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
