i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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