My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
