I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
please come you make the beer taste better
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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