Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
