Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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