I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
