Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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