sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
