so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
