Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
