I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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