i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
