mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
