She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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