HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
