They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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